give and take

I have a new friend here who is making plans to study in the U.S. for his PhD in chemical engineering. He teaches me how to say stuff like, "That's what I've been talking about, asshole!" and I tell him about expressions like "blowing someone off" or "getting someone back" - you know, really functional stuff that anyone would need in a PhD program.

But more than the language exchange, he's been making me think about the differences between north american and mexican cultural norms. Last weekend, he asked me why a lot of north americans don't talk about their families, so being an aspiring pop theorist, I shared some of my theories on the subject. Today, leaving the market where we go for lunch, we ran into an "extranjero" (foreign) couple on the street corner. They asked my friend for directions somewhere, and then the man expressed his approval of my friend's abilities in English and walked away.

After this encounter, we started talking again about why foreigners are more closed; and I asked my friend why he had the impression that this couple, and the man in particular, was "closed." He said, "It's because he asked me for something, but he didn't give me anything." The guy asked for directions, but he didn't share any jokes or pieces of information about himself, and he didn't try to find out anything about my friend - even in just this brief interaction.

So I'm thinking about the different ways that we give. Okay, the different ways that _I_ give: my time, my attention, my interest and curiosity. The ways I step outside myself to connect with someone else. Or, more often, the ways I don't.

Not sure what the answer is, but I think drinking more beer might be key to this investigation.